SITTING ON A PARK BENCH

fuck everything I just said. beer solves all problems.

I need a new feeling

I am usually not one to share more than sappy songs and lol worthy photos on my Tumblr but today I can’t take it anymore.  My life is just highs and lows. And when I was younger I could only dream of the highs. Sure, I have self medicated with food, drugs, and even sex.  And since I have been on a health kick since the age of 15, the only way to medicate my feelings is with romance. I have never been single, I am in my early 30’s, and have had 3 long term relationships intermixed with sexy flings, short-sprint like dating things, and by being chased by multiple potential suitors that I have strung along just to feel good.

I don’t know what to do. I want to bleed from my soul what I am feeling. No amount of masterbating or letter writing can cure my from this internal energy I need to release. I run daily, I even run half marathons just for fun, but, I can’t escape from what burns inside.

I even became an weekend alcoholic for a good three years. Partying my way though life. Spending my money on fabulous frocks, high heels, extensions, spray tans. Thinking that being fabulous and glamourous would be a good way to live my life. But I couldn’t keep up with the standards I set for myself.

So here I am, at the peak of my fitness, perhaps the peak of my looks, and I am yearning to eaither fade away, expire, or explode.

I have so much passion inside me. Have you ever been turned on by a picture of yourself? I can look at a great photo of myself and imagine what others are thinking and I can get off on it. I must be vain. And I still can’t escape what I am feeling as I type. I need somethign different, something to chase. May I chase you? Will you be my object of desire? I can’t paint another picture, run  another 20 kilometers, or drink my face off, I need touch, I need romance, I need your passion.